Systemic Constellations are a method that has many advantages.
My first encounter with constellations left me completely stunned. It’s that moment that’s very hard to describe and convey to people when they ask what constellations are and how they work, when they ask what the workshop is like. I came completely spontaneously, at a friend’s invitation, and immediately set up my constellation—the very first one—without having ever represented before or even had any idea how it works. But I’d heard it helps, and I needed some help, and I was (and still am) curious enough when it comes to methods like this.
And from some story of mine about my then-partnership, we ended up with my parents. Suddenly, in front of me, representatives moved who represented my mom, my dad, and some events. I don’t remember all the details; I just remember it was pretty intense, that I was just nodding my head, and that after two hours a calm settled in and the constellation was over. I didn’t really know what was happening at every moment, but I knew I felt different and that I wanted to come back again.
Why do we do constellations?
Better
So, the first conclusion: why do we do constellations? To feel better. Now, when we say “better,” that’s a pretty general and sweeping term. What does “better” mean? Better doesn’t mean not having a full range of emotions in the process; better means sorting out responsibilities and untangling stories, whether personal, family, or in some other domain. In the end, it brings us ease and a kind of liberation. Story by story, or burden by burden, less on our backs.
Change in perception
The second thing I immediately saw was how good it is to see that inner story of yours from the outside. Our stories are our perception; every other participant in that same story will have a different perception. When you watch your constellation, you watch yourself as an observer. You see things you don’t normally see; you finally see yourself in a relationship. But you also see the other side, the one we sometimes don’t understand, blame, hold responsible for who knows what, or get angry and resent. This is often where we develop a great deal of acceptance: it was what it was, it couldn’t have been any other way. The amount of self-understanding and understanding of others that we develop through constellations is invaluable.
Maybe there’s something in your life that you think you can’t forgive. Sometimes, that’s just the way it is. But, sometimes, you can try this: if you had been born with the same DNA, the same karma, the same genetic code as that person, if you had grown up the same way, with the same people around you, if you had gone through the same things as they did, you would have probably behaved the same way they did. ( Bjorn Natthiko Lindeblad)
Fantastic representation
The next fantastic experience for me was acting. Getting a role like that at this point in your life that you don’t have yet—or at least not to this extent—and probably never will. Childish stubbornness, a new perspective on the world, an artistic eye, or my most fascinating role ever – the role of a billionaire who sees the world map and the flow of global money so simply and clearly as I see the route of a single tram line. Maybe
Gathering yourself, ease
They say that as people get older, they tend to either accumulate more and more resentment or more and more parts of themselves. I don’t know exactly who said it, but it’s etched in my memory. And as a clear point of what I want to choose: myself, finally myself. We are born into a family with its own customs and norms, born at a certain point in time, at a certain point on the planet, with certain tasks, with certain desires. All of this makes us certain members of our species, but who are we really? Constellations reveal who we are beneath everything that has been given and instilled in us, beneath the beliefs that often begin to limit us at some point. I
find myself coming together through constellations. I believe that through constellations, we begin to experience life less dramatically. Maybe this is just my personal experience, but less drama and more ease is certainly one of the consequences of working with this method.
New perspective
You know when you keep running into the same partners, employers, relationships, obstacles, and events throughout your life. Well, this is the perfect moment to ask yourself: okay, why again? What am I not seeing? Replace: I’m unlucky, it’s always the same for me! Substitute it with: something is being shown to me, great, I’ll see what it is! So, a new perspective on obstacles.
Body and Systems Thinking
Physical symptoms are a fantastic tool for working through constellations. What my body tells me, my fantastic tool for navigating the experience of this planet. Understanding that the body is connected to everything we experience and that it absorbs, transforms, retains, and communicates is very liberating, especially if, like me in my younger days, you were somewhat prone to hypochondria. The realization that symptoms are speaking because they are part of the system in which they originated and have some information from that system is a fantastic insight!
Speaking of which, constellations give us the opportunity to gain a new way of thinking, systemic thinking. This, in turn, makes it easier for us to get out of certain complicated situations on our own later on. We might see how a certain pattern is mirrored across multiple areas of our lives. We understand why systems resist our changes and why, at first, it’s easier not to change than to step outside of them.
Why don’t we do constellations?
We haven’t met them yet.
In my experience, we don’t do constellations for several reasons. One very common reason is that we don’t know about them, so I always tell everyone: spread the word about this method, especially if it has helped you.
We don’t believe in the possibility of change.
Besides, we don’t know or believe that anything can help us, and we can’t see how it could possibly get any better. We have no basic idea about it. But once we experience the constellations, we realize that things can change retroactively.
It’s never too late to have a happy childhood. (Zdenka Andrijić)
As we said somewhere at the beginning of the text, our experience is a matter of our personal perception. That doesn’t mean we diminish what was experienced, but it does mean we view it through the eyes of the person who went through that experience, albeit with the help of certain resources and survived.
Thus, the basic idea that something can be changed changes after the first encounter with constellations.
Are we ready to change?
I often encounter the statement in my work: “But she’s just like that, and nothing can be done about it!” Okay, that’s one way of accepting the situation.
But then comes the harder part. She won’t change, but what will you do? Are you ready to change? If we want to change others instead of ourselves, then we’re not doing constellations.
Constellations are a method that requires a willingness to accept full responsibility for our own lives, without relying on the crutch of blaming others or circumstances.
Opening various topics
Sometimes we don’t do constellations for fear of what might be lurking around the corner. What will I discover? I’d rather things stay as they are than open Pandora’s box of everything. Yes, constellations carry the risk of making you feel better, but to do that we have to do a bit of work: confront, accept, grieve. And behind the first challenge there’s a second and a third.
I have to understand everything with my head.
We don’t do constellations if we’re prone to hyper-mentalizing—to the idea that we have to understand absolutely everything in detail, break it down into pure factors, point the finger, and file it away. There’s no such thing with constellations. But if we’re ready to feel with something other than the brain and allow something to come alive that the brain may not understand but the heart feels or the body supports, that’s it!
I don’t want to be a breaker
Sometimes we don’t do constellations because we don’t want to be the black sheep. You want to break the pattern our family is famous for?! You want to lose your tribe’s identity and write something new into it? Aren’t we good enough for you anymore? You want to be something special? Betrayal? That’s how we’ve always done things at our company! It’s not going to be any easier anywhere else! All of this, as well as the above, is a rebellion against a system that maintains a natural, innate need for minimal energy expenditure. The rebellious members influence others, and the system shakes. But, it’s cool to be the black sheep. And besides, it’s beneficial for everyone, and all the rebels’ questions are quickly silenced!
Ready?
