I’ve heard recently that “working on yourself” isn’t really a good phrase and that, in fact, our entire life is working on ourselves. And I can agree with that, but I can also agree that not all of us are constantly working on ourselves. Speaking for myself, I can say that I spent a good chunk of my life thinking that other things, circumstances, people, and events were to blame and responsible for some of my life’s states and choices. And that I often looked for responsibility or a solution somewhere outside of myself in situations that came my way. If at every obstacle we point the finger at someone else—the government, the president, the mayor, mom, dad, a partner, or the neighbor—then, in my view, that can’t be called “working on yourself,” but rather a desire to work on other people!
I recently read a good sentence that says: to start working on yourself, you have to be really fed up with your own crap!
How did my “work on myself” begin?
My ordeal began with a fall on my head and a concussion. At the time, it seemed like a really nasty experience with many negative consequences. I fell and hit my head on a kitchen cabinet, suffered a severe concussion, short-term amnesia, and injured my eye and teeth. Fortunately, there were no serious consequences, but I was told to do nothing but lie in a dark room, minimize stimuli, take vitamins and minerals, and wait. Since my memory was shot, I lost a year of college, but I gained time to explore some new topics that had already interested me, but hadn’t had enough room before. I could no longer make mental progress, but I could make emotional and spiritual ones, which ultimately led to the healing of my body and an overall shift.
A college classmate who visited me every day suggested I meet an acquaintance of hers who practiced energy therapy, and that was my first encounter with Reiki. Later, that same woman became my teacher of Reiki, Theta Healing, and many other techniques. I walked into the room where she was working at the time, and a river of unshed tears opened up. I think I cried out several years’ worth of tears during the first few treatments. I was making up for lost time.
Makeup for missed work
I only realized later how my concussion was a major turning point that moved me forward in so many areas. Before it, various stressful situations had piled up in my life: I didn’t get into my desired college program – my father’s death – the loss of the family business – chaos and arguments in my family relationships – a bad relationship – dissatisfaction with my studies. All of this led to a lot of confusion and insecurity, and a somewhat depressive state that I didn’t know how to recognize at the time, but it manifested as extreme control over my diet and training.
The concussion was a reset because I could no longer do most of the things that filled my daily routine, but I could let my body rest and feel, and let the tension built up over years slowly ease.
I’ve learned that some things can only be postponed, but that time doesn’t heal, as they like to tell us. Time makes us see things in a new light—if we do something with them and with ourselves—so that they weigh on our lives, latent but persistent, or explode when we least expect it.
How did it go on?
I recovered from the concussion, but I also had new tools in my hands and realized how truly important “self-work” is. I no longer waited for a bad relationship to fall apart; I ended it. I decided to finish college because it seemed like the right decision when I was in my third year. I started making my own decisions, little by little.
Things don’t happen overnight; insights come all at once, but work follows them. You forge something new. You recognize in situations when you’re going backward. And that’s perfectly normal, too. You move forward, then back a bit, then take two steps forward.
You need to be both gentle and firm with yourself at the same time. Hundreds of excuses spring up in your head. From the weather being too nice or too bad to comparing yourself to others’ lives. It’s easier for others, it’s a shame to be in a workshop when the sun is shining outside!
After Reiki and Theta, new challenging techniques came next, from the School of Life to yoga and the Constellation School.
How is it today?
Today, I literally don’t recognize that I was the one who fell on my head. I can’t recall my thoughts from back then, but I know how I felt. There was a lack of responsibility, of clarity. The fog was ever-present; nothing made much sense. For me today, life comes down to a few simple concepts—balance and responsibility when it comes to ourselves, and acceptance and respect when it comes to others.
A while ago, my constellation teacher told me after one of the sessions: “Congratulations, you’ve finally come to your senses and started ‘working on yourself’.” I was stunned!! All these years of intense digging, ever since I fell on my head, and I’ve only just now come to my senses?! I thought about it for a long time and concluded she was right; until now, I had been unpacking ideas and perceptions about others, but then I finally started to unpack myself.
So, the work never stops!!
Yes, the work never stops. Dispelling and moving the fog is a constant and eternal process, but it’s worth every minute. I can say with confidence that now, 20 years after that fall on my head—and 20 years older—I have far more energy than I did back then, and life feels much more appealing, meaningful, fulfilling, and of higher quality.
I’m not saying we all have to fall on our heads, nor that I’d want to do it again, but with this distance I can see that it was a good choice for me back then!
